i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
