You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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