im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
