he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
