Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
