a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
