it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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