i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
