So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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