Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
