My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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