I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's blow job season.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
my liver is dry heaving
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
