I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
