I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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