I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There r osticjed everywhere
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
