Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
