if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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