dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
