if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
