i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
