I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it glows. i had to have it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
