I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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