first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize