so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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