So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
