Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
