my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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