I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
