I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
