halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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