at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
