I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize