To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you had me at cake vodka
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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