I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
