There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
