Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
