Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so let's talk penis.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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