She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
