If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
