oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
