Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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