I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
