my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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