Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
