You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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