onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
