Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
