Don't make out with my wife yet
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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