Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
