I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You need Xanax blowdarts
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
