Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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