I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This baby is an asshole
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize