I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
