Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I have already put on my inside pants.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
