I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
