I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
