my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dick very happy bro
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
