normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
now i know why i became what i already was.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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