I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
