At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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