There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He kissed a someone with a penis
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
