I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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