i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
