Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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