got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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