it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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