A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
