Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
